[Spoilers!] I LOVE a good quote, and there are some truly great lines in this show. So here are my top three contenders from each episode (courtesy of www.planetclaire.tv), with some commentary. I’ve followed this with a ranked list, but here are the contenders:
Episode 1, “Rose” (Russell T. Davies):
Rose and the Doctor have a number of great exchanges, and this is one of the first. Absurd questions, defensive answers, and unexpected parallels. Classic.
The Doctor: What are you doing here?
Rose: I live here.
The Doctor: Well what’d you do that for?
Rose: Because I do. I’m only home because someone blew up my job.
The Doctor: Must have got the wrong signal. You’re not plastic are you? [knocks on her forehead]. Nope, bone in.
Sometimes the writers wax a bit poetic, and this is Russell T. Davies at his best.
Rose: Really though, Doctor. Tell me. Who are you?
The Doctor: Do you know like we were saying? About the Earth revolving? It’s like when you’re a kid. The first time they tell you that the world’s turning and you just can’t quite believe it because everything looks like it’s standing still. I can feel it. [he grabs her hand] The turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour. And the entire planet is hurtling around the sun at sixty-seven thousand miles an hour and I can feel it. We’re falling through space, you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world and if we let go… [he drops her hand]. That’s who I am. Now forget me, Rose Tyler. Go home.
I love a good quip that makes you go, “…Well that’s true….”
Rose: If you are an alien how come you sound like you’re from the North?
The Doctor: Lots of planets have a North.
Episode 2, “The End of the World” (Russell T. Davies):
Again, Russell T. Davies, waxing expansive about the hopes and dreams of the human race.
The Doctor: You lot. You spend all your time thinking about dying. Like you’re going to get killed by eggs or beef or global warming or asteroids. But you never take the time to imagine the impossible. That maybe you survive. This is the year 5.5 slash Apple slash 26. Five billion years in your future. And this is the day— hold on. This is the day the sun expands. Welcome to the end of the world.
As I’ve already discussed, Jabe, one of the Trees of Cheem is a great character, and ze (do anthropomorphic trees have sexes?) and the Doctor have good chemistry, all starting in this exchange.
Jabe: The gift of peace. I bring you a cutting of my grandfather.
The Doctor: Thank you. Yes, gifts. I give you, in return, air from my lungs. [Blows on her].
Jabe: How… intimate.
The Doctor: There’s more where that came from.
Jabe: I bet there is.
The second Doctor/Rose exchange that makes the list. Again, odd parallels, digs on language choice, quick comebacks. Awesome.
Rose: Alright. As my mate Shareen says, “Don’t argue with the designated driver.” [Pulling out her cell]. Can’t exactly call for a taxi.
There’s no signal. We’re out of range. Just a bit.
The Doctor: Tell you what, with a little bit of jiggery-pokery—
Rose: Is that a technical term, “jiggery-pokery”?
The Doctor: Yeah. I came first in jiggery-pokery. What about you?
Rose: No. I failed hullabaloo.
Episode 3, “The Unquiet Dead” (Mark Gatiss):
So much in here. Creative types know that even their biggest fans are going to have a few critiques.
The Doctor: You’re a genius!
Coachman: You want me to get rid of him, sir?
Dickens: Ah, no. I think he can stay.
The Doctor: Honestly, Charles—can I call you Charles?—I’m such a big fan.
Dickens: What? A big what?
The Doctor: Fan. Number one fan, that’s me.
Dickens: How exactly are you a fan? In what way do you resemble a means of keeping oneself cool?
The Doctor: No, it means “fanatic”, “devoted to”. Mind you, I’ve gotta say, that American bit in Martin Chuzzlewit, what’s that about? Was that just padding or what? I mean it’s rubbish, that bit.
Dickens: I thought you said you were my fan.
The Doctor: Oh well, if you can’t take criticism.
The comparison of animated corpses as “recycling,” is interesting, if macabre.
Dickens: Incredible. Ghosts that are not ghosts, but beings from another world who can only exist in our realm by inhabiting cadavers.
The Doctor: Good system. Might work.
Rose: You can’t let them run around inside dead people.
The Doctor: Why not? It’s like recycling.
Rose: Seriously though, you can’t.
The Doctor: Seriously though, I can.
The sentiment here gets me. It precedes In Bruges (2008) by three years, yet it reminds me very much of the sentiment in that film–about to die in a place you never wanted to be–and makes me smile.
Rose: But I can’t die. Tell me I can’t. I haven’t even been born yet. It’s impossible for me to die. Isn’t it?
The Doctor: I’m sorry.
Rose: It’s 1869. How can I die now?
The Doctor: Time isn’t a straight line. It can twist into any shape. You could be born in the 20th century and die in the 19th and it’s all my fault. I brought you here.
Rose: It’s not your fault. I wanted to come.
The Doctor: What about me? I saw the fall of Troy. World War V. I pushed boxes at the Boston Tea Party. Now I’m going to die in a dungeon. In Cardiff.
Episode 4 & 5, “Aliens of London”/”World War Three” (Russell T. Davies): (Couldn’t find as many in these)
As I’ll point out, the creepiness of the 900/20 age gap is something that’s glossed over throughout the series.
Rose: When you say nine hundred years.
The Doctor: That’s my age.
Rose: You’re nine hundred years old?
The Doctor: Yeah.
Rose: My mom was right. That’s one hell of an age gap.
Ahh, wordplay…
Rose: My mother’s cooking.
The Doctor: Good. Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.
A good dig at humanity, and some redemption for Mickey.
Mickey: I just went down ‘the shop, and I was thinking, you know, like the whole world’s changed. Aliens and spaceships, all in public. And here it is (holds up newspaper reading Alien Hoax). How can they do that? They saw it.
The Doctor: They’re just not ready. You’re happy to believe in something that’s invisible, but if it’s staring you in the face—”Nope! Can’t see it.” There’s a scientific explanation for that. You’re thick.
Mickey: We’re just idiots.
The Doctor: Well… not all of you.
Mickey: Yeah?
Episode 6, “Dalek” (Robert Shearman):
Every once and a while, an enemy has the Doctor’s number. In this episode, the Doctor reveals his maniacal hatred of the Daleks–he goes a bit overboard. Here, the Doctor brags on genocide, and gets called out.
The Doctor: What the hell are you here for?
Dalek: I am waiting for orders.
The Doctor: What does that mean?
Dalek: I am a soldier. I was bred to receive orders.
The Doctor: Well you’re never gonna get them. Not ever.
Dalek: I demand orders!
The Doctor: They’re never gonna come! Your race is dead. You all burned—all of you. Ten million ships on fire. The entire Dalek race, wiped out in one second.
Dalek: You lie!
The Doctor: I watched it happen. I made it happen.
Dalek: You destroyed us?
The Doctor: I had no choice.
Dalek: And what of the Time Lords?
The Doctor: Dead. They burned with you. The end of the last great Time War. Everyone lost.
Dalek: And the coward survived.
A critique of rich collectors.
The Doctor: Let me tell you something, Van Statten. Mankind goes into space to explore, to be part of something greater.
Van Statten: Exactly! I wanted to touch the stars.
The Doctor: You just want to drag the stars down, stick them underground, underneath tons of sand and dirt, and label them. You’re about as far from the stars as you can get.
Another instance where the Doctor gets called out, this time, by Rose.
The Doctor: Rose, get out of the way now!
Rose: No. ‘Cause I won’t let you do this.
The Doctor: That thing killed hundreds of people!
Rose: It’s not the one pointing the gun at me.
The Doctor: I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to end it. The Daleks destroyed my home, my people. I’ve got nothing left.
Rose: But look at it.
The Doctor: What’s it doing?
Rose: It’s the sunlight, that’s all it wants.
The Doctor: It can’t—
Rose: It couldn’t kill Van Statten, it couldn’t kill me. It’s changing. What about you, Doctor? What the hell are you changing into?
Episode 7, “The Long Game” (Russell T. Davies):
Anyone who’s been without it knows, plumbing’s very important.
The Doctor: Rose is asking the right sort of questions: Why is it so hot?
Cathica: One minute you’re worried about the Empire and the next minute it’s the central heating.
The Doctor: Oh, never underestimate plumbing. Plumbing’s very important.
Simon Pegg’s contribution to the series. A good statement on how easily They can drum up fear to drive public policy, and a bit of philosophy, followed by a veiled threat.
The Editor: Create a climate of fear and it’s easy to keep the borders closed. It’s just a matter of emphasis. The right word in the right broadcast repeated often enough can destabilize an economy, invent an enemy, change a vote.
Rose: So all the people on Earth are like, slaves.
The Editor: Well, now. There’s an interesting point. Is a slave a slave if he doesn’t know he’s enslaved?
The Doctor: Yes.
The Editor: Oh. I was hoping for a philosophical debate. Is that all I’m going to get? “Yes.”?
The Doctor: Yes.
The Editor: You’re no fun.
The Doctor: Let me out of these manacles. You’ll find out how much fun I am.
Another critique of Capitalism: If we’re only focused on getting paid, all kinds of atrocities can be justified.
Rose: What about you? You’re not a jagra- a-belly—
The Doctor: Jagrafess.
Rose: You’re not a jagrafess. You’re human.
The Editor: Yeah, well, simply being human doesn’t pay very well.
Episode 8, “Father’s Day” (Paul Cornell):
A great comparison.
Rose: It’s so weird. The day my father died. I thought it’d be all sort of grim and stormy. It’s just another day.
The Doctor: The past is another country. 1987’s just the Isle of Wight.
The Doctor has regrets about ever taking up with Rose Tyler; all humans turn out to be marred by self-interest.
The Doctor: When we met, I said “Travel with me in space.” You said no. Then I said “Time machine”.
Rose: It wasn’t some big plan. I just saw it happening and I thought, I can stop it.
The Doctor: I did it again. I picked another stupid ape. I should have known. It’s not about showing you the universe. It never is. It’s about the universe doing something for you.
Awww! Who’s the cute widdle world-ender? You are!
The Doctor to Baby Rose: Now Rose, you’re not going to bring about the end of the world. Are you?
Episode 9, “The Empty Child” (Steven Moffat):
Red’s camp, but we’re reasonably safe.
Rose: What’s the emergency?
The Doctor: It’s mauve.
Rose: Mauve?
The Doctor: Universally recognized color for danger.
Rose: What happened to red?
The Doctor: That’s just humans. By everyone else’s standards, red’s camp. Oh, the misunderstandings. All those red alerts, all that dancing. It’s got a very basic flight computer. I’ve hacked in, slaved the TARDIS. Wherever it goes, we go.
Rose: And it’s safe, is it?
The Doctor: Totally. [Things go awry]. Okay, reasonably. I should have said reasonably there.
A commentary on sidekicks and companions everywhere.
The Doctor to the cat: You know, one day— Just one day, maybe, I’m going to meet somebody who gets the whole “Don’t wander off” thing. Nine hundred years of phonebox travel, it’s the only thing left to surprise me. [The phonebox rings].
Quips about the Doctor’s name are always classic.
The Doctor: Mr. Spock?
Rose: What was I supposed to say? You don’t have a name. Don’t you ever get tired of Doctor? Doctor who?
The Doctor: Nine centuries and I’m coping.
Honorable Mention: A bit of British Nationalism from Steven Moffat.
The Doctor: Amazing.
Nancy: What is?
The Doctor: 1941. Right now, not very far from here, the German war machine is rolling up the map of Europe. Country after country, falling like dominos. Nothing can stop it—nothing. Until one tiny, damp little island says “No”. “No. Not here”. A mouse in front of a lion. You’re amazing, the lot of you. I don’t know what you do to Hitler, but you frighten the hell out of me.
Episode 10, “The Doctor Dances” (Steven Moffat):
Famous last words
The Doctor: Go to your room! Go to your room! I mean it. I’m very very angry with you. I’m very very cross! Go to your room! [The infected patients go back to bed]. I’m really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words.
These next four are a package deal. Captain Jack Harkness’ interaction with the Doctor is usually awesome.
The Doctor: Sonic Blaster. 54th century. Weapons factory at Villengard?
Jack: You’ve been to the factories?
The Doctor: Once.
Jack: Well they’re gone now. Destroyed. Main reactor went critical. Vaporized the lot.
The Doctor: Like I said: once. There’s a banana grove there now. I like bananas. Bananas are good.The Doctor: Go now! Don’t drop the banana!
Jack: Why not?
The Doctor: Good source of potassium!Jack: Who has a sonic screwdriver?
The Doctor: I do!
Jack: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, “Ooh, this could be a little more sonic.”?
The Doctor: What, you’ve never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?The Doctor: Come on, we’re not done yet. Assets! Assets!
Jack: Well, I’ve got a banana and in a pinch you could put up some shelves.
Again, Rose calls the Doctor out.
The Doctor: History says there was an explosion here. Who am I to argue with history?
Rose: Usually the first in line.
Episode 11, “Boom Town” (Russell T. Davies):
More interaction with Captain Jack.
Jack [about Rose and Mickey]: Aw, sweet. Look at these two. How come I never get any of that?
The Doctor: Buy me a drink first.
Jack: Such hard work.
The Doctor: But worth it.
The Universe certainly hasn’t gotten a day off…
Margaret: This is the technology of the gods.
The Doctor: Don’t worship me, I’d make a very bad god. wouldn’t get a day off for starters.
More of Russell T. Davies getting philosophical about psychopaths, and the Doctor getting called out.
Margaret: I spared her life.
The Doctor: You let one of them go but that’s nothing new. Every now and then a little victim’s spared because she smiled, ’cause he’s got freckles. ‘Cause they begged. And that’s how you live with yourself. That’s how you slaughter millions. Because once in awhile—on a whim, if the wind’s in the right direction—you happen to be kind.
Margaret: Only a killer would know that. Is that right? From what I’ve seen, your funny little happy go lucky little life leaves devastation in its wake. Always moving on because you dare not look back. Playing with so many peoples lives, you might as well be a god. And you’re right, Doctor. You’re absolutely right. Sometimes you let one go. Let me go.
Episode 12, “Bad Wolf” (Russell T. Davies):
Thus restarts the Doctor’s dislike and personal disuse of guns.
The Doctor: Who’s in charge of this place? This satellite’s more than a game station. Who killed Rose Tyler? I want an answer!
Male Lackey: She can’t reply. [The Doctor turns to him]. Don’t shoot!
The Doctor: Oh, don’t be so fey. Like I was ever going to shoot. [Throws him the gun]. Captain, we’ve got more guards on the way up. Secure the exits.
Captain Jack: Yes, sir.
The Doctor: You, what were you saying?
Male Lackey: But… I’ve got your gun.
The Doctor: Okay, so shoot me. Why can’t she answer?
Male Lackey: She’s, uh… Can I put this down?
The Doctor: If you want. Just hurry up.
A critique of the “Nazi Prison Guard” defense.
Lackey: If you’re not holding us hostage then open the door and let us out. The staff are terrified!
The Doctor: That’s the same staff who execute hundreds of contestants every day.
Lackey: That’s not our fault. We’re just doing our jobs.
The Doctor: And with that sentence you just lost the right to even talk to me. Now back off!
You gotta love it when the Doctor flexes. This beats out his proclamation to Lynda at the start of the episode.
Dalek: I will talk to the Doctor.
The Doctor: Oh will you? That’s nice. Hello!
Dalek: The Dalek stratagem nears completion. The fleet is almost ready. You will not intervene.
The Doctor: Oh really? Why’s that, then?
Dalek: We have your associate. You will obey or she will be exterminated.
The Doctor: No.
Dalek: Explain yourself.
The Doctor: I said “no.”
Dalek: What is the meaning of this negative?
The Doctor: It means “no.”
Dalek: But she will be destroyed!
The Doctor: No! ‘Cause this is what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna rescue her. I’m gonna save Rose Tyler from the middle of the Dalek fleet, and then I’m gonna save the Earth. And then—just to finish off—I’m gonna wipe every last stinking Dalek out of the sky!
Dalek: But you have no weapons, no defenses, no plan.
The Doctor: Yeah! And doesn’t that scare you to death. Rose?
Rose: Yes Doctor?
The Doctor: I’m coming to get you.
Episode 13,”The Parting of the Ways” (Russell T. Davies):
Another flex from the Doctor.
The Doctor: You know what they call me in the ancient legends on the Dalek home world? “The Oncoming Storm”. You might have removed all your emotions, but I reckon right down deep in your DNA there’s one little spark left. And that’s fear. Doesn’t it just burn when you face me?
Another flex.
The Dalek Emperor: Do not interrupt! Do not interrupt!
The Doctor: I think you’re forgetting something. I’m the Doctor and if there’s one thing I can do it’s talk. I’ve got five billion languages and you haven’t got one way of stopping me. So if anybody’s gonna shut up, it’s you!
The endearing final moments of Christopher Eccleston, with a bit of ego thrown in.
Rose: Tell me what’s going on.
The Doctor: I absorbed all the energy of the Time Vortex and no one’s meant to do that. Every cell in my body’s dying.
Rose: Can’t you do something?
The Doctor: Yeah. Doing it now. Time Lord’s have this sort of trick. It’s our little way of cheating death. Except… it means I’m gonna change. And I’m not gonna see you again. Not like this. Not with this daft old face. And before I go—
Rose: Don’t say that!
The Doctor: Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you, you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I.
So those are the top for me. True, there are others that didn’t make the list, but some were problematic, like the exchange between the Doctor and Jackie Tyler, where nothing is going to happen that doesn’t put either of them in a good light–though the difference in age gaps between Rose and her mother is a drop in the bucket compared to her versus the Doctor. Also not in here was Captain Jack on What Not to Wear (Episode 12) after getting undressed:
JACK: Okay. Defabricator. Does exactly what it says on the tin. Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?
TRINE-E + ZU-ZANA: Absolutely!
JACK: Ladies, your viewing figures just went up.
Or after being told their plans for him:
JACK: Now, hold on, ladies. I don’t want to have to shoot either one of you.
TRINE-E: But you’re unarmed!
ZU-ZANA: You’re naked!
[Jack produces a small hand weapon from somewhere behind him]
ZU-ZANA: But. that’s a Compact Laser Deluxe!
TRINE-E: Where were you hiding that?
JACK: You really don’t want to know.
However, ultimately, I decided to focus a bit more on scenes and interactions with the Doctor.
Did I miss any? Comment and I’ll respond. Click here for my Top 10 rankings.
